Listening to the Snow Fall...

 

Listening to the snow fall

A few years ago, while I still lived in Korea, the phone rang at 5:00 AM.  So in my world, when the phone rings before 6:00 AM, someone (in my mind) is either dead, in the hospital, or having a baby.  It was none of those three.  I was awakened by my friend Tim, calling to tell me that it was snowing outside.  Tim is from Australia, so this was the first time he had ever seen snow in person.  Watching it fall was a completely new life experience for him--at the age of 27! 

Now, I love snow as much as the next girl.  I love to play in it, and have been known to go out at midnight to get the good snow before the little kids get a hold of it.  But I don't love it more than my sleep at 5 AM.  So once I made sure that no one was dead, in the hospital or in labor, I (as politely as I could muster) asked Tim why on earth he needed to call.  I would have found out a few hours later when the phone call came to cancel school (or so I thought--we went to school that day anyway!).  As we rang off, Tim said something that caught my attention.  He said "Jenny, I can't get over how quiet the snow is...  I thought it would sound more like rain..." 

I had dinner with my good friend Alissa on Sunday.  We chatted and she was telling me about the snow-filled trip she recently took to Kansas.  For some reason, that early morning memory sprang immediately to mind.  All I could think of was "God is trying to get my attention, but I don't hear anything..."  I have felt that way for a very long time.  I feel like God is tugging at me, but every time I listen, I don't hear anything. 

God very often has to cause a ruckus for me to pay attention and know what is going on with Him and where He is leading.  NOW, well, now I feel like Tim did watching the snow fall.  I know it is happening, and I know that something is out there for me that I have never experienced, but I can't hear it.  My other senses are telling me that things are different right outside my front door, but I don't know what to listen for. 

I am struggling with finding God's will in one particular area in my life.  I am trying so hard to NOT be caught up in what I want, and seeking what God wants.  But if God is answering my prayers, I can't hear them.  I want to hear God thunder, I want to hear Him whistling through the trees, I want to hear Him crack like lightening.  I just want to hear Him.  But, He is falling as quietly as the snow.