I am at a stage in my life where things are rather precarious. (I always imagine Mike Tyson saying "precarious" when I use that word!) About 2 years ago, I lost my teaching job. I was crushed. I was devastated. I was in denial. I was numb. I cannot remember a lot of the summer of 2010 because I was in shock. But, in His true fashion, God swooped in and provided me a job. And I was grateful. And about a year ago, when I found out my position was again, precarious, God provided. He allowed my contract with HMH to be extended for 6 months, then in December, He allowed it to be extended another 6 months. God provided and came through in a HUGE way. And I am grateful.
Now, with just a few months left on my contract, I have that uneasy feeling that my contract won't be extended. Even last year at this point when I was in a shaky situation, I didn't have this feeling of unease. Somehow I knew I would still be with HMH for at least 6 months. It was either divine understanding or sheer stupidity. I am not sure which! So, anyhow, all that to say I am not sure. In fact, I am fairly certain that I won't be with HMH after August 13th. Scary.
And I have begun to plan for that event, should it happen. I have figured out where I will move (so I can rent my house out and not lose it), what type of jobs I can take, where to store my furniture, and where to have a garage sale to get rid of my unnecessaries. All of this "just in case." All of this to tell God--what ever you send me, I will handle. But in the midst of this, I am still scared and nervous. I wouldn't be human if I weren't. (Thanks to my Dad for that reminder!) I am trying to be excited about what God will bring--I know what He has planned is 1 billion times more wonderful than what I am imagining, but it is hard to be excited.
My first year teaching in Vestavia Hills, I found this prayer--I don't know where I got it, but I loved it. I printed it off in a fun font and have had it at my desk ever since. They prayer goes like this:
Heavenly Father,
In my present need, help me to believe that you are aware of my anxiety and will do what is best for me. Give me the strength to trust you and put the present and future in your hands.
Grant this in Christ our Lord....
To personalize it for me, it should look like this:
Heavenly Father,
In my present need of worldly provision, help me to know, trust, credit, and consider that you are mindful, cognizant, responsive to and interested in my anxiety and will do what is greatest, unsurpassed, preeminent and top for me. Provide me the power and might to trust you and put the present and future in your hands.
Grant this in Christ our Lord....
I need to make this my daily prayer--no matter my circumstance.
