Pitiful Chooser:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
*Public Domain

If I have one strong childhood church memory it would be singing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" in Korean church. I don't know why it is such a strong pull but every time I hear it I am transported back to Hai Yun Dai Baptist Church and the cold, hard, brown, wooden pews. It is such a vivid memory that I can't help be feel like I am 7 again. I can hear the piano and organ in the background as the congregation shuffled to their feet to sing. It was such a staple to me--I often *think* I remember it being sung every Sunday in Korean church. I am sure it was not…

It was not until adulthood that this song began to mean something more than a fond memory to me--until I truly experienced the proneness to wander and the unfailing redeeming love of God. My favorite verse of the song is the 3rd verse, quoted above. I love this verse because I think it exemplifies the struggle man faces when it comes to a relationship with God. (Side note--it is the only verse that has remained unchanged from the original over the last 250+ years.)

Robert Robinson penned Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing at the ripe old age of 22. Yep--he wrote one of the most profound hymns at the age of 22. When I was 22, the only thing I wrote was my name at the bottom of the credit card receipt. At the age of 22, Robinson had more understanding of God than most people do at 72. He understood several things about God and Man. Things I have struggled my entire life to know. He knew that:

1) We as humans are pitiful: In the original version of the song he says, "Sorrowing I shall be in spirit, Till released from flesh and sin." He understood that as humans our very nature was in direct opposition to God and that causes our sorrow--that natural inclination to sin. When will our souls find true peace? When we are released from flesh and sin. We can be released from sin before being released from our flesh, but none of us can maintain that purity because of our flesh. "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love."

2) We as humans have the free will to choose: There are so many references in this hymn to our freedom to choose--though many of those references refer to asking God to take that choice away--"Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God," "Let thy goodness, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to thee," and "Here's my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above." When I hear these phrases I think of one theme--God, I love you and I don't want to mess it up, so take me, take my will, take my heart. I give it to you freely and know that in your hands, all is well. The only problem with that is when I change my mind. Which I do often. Because I am pitiful. Like the song says, I am prone to wander. And God lets me, because He is God. He doesn't want me, my will and my heart if it's not an offering. Though I may wish to be leg shackled to God, God doesn't roll that way.

3) And even though we are pitiful choosers, God's grace is enough: "Streams of mercy, never ceasing, Call for songs of loudest praise," "He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood," and "Here I raise my Ebenezer; Here by thy great help I've come; And I hope, by thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home." The words don't say, "Streams of mercy, dribbling past me," or "He sometimes rescues me from danger…" No! God's grace and mercy are in abundance and are always available. His grace, to quote a current praise song, is enough. His grace will always provide. In Hebrew, Ebenezer literally means, "stone of help" and is often biblically translated to mean "God has led us thus far." If God has led us thus far, then is He going to stop now? He hasn't stopped leading me thus far and let's face it, I have tried His patience! God is our stone of help, our Ebenezer. Raise your Ebenezer--your monument to God's grace that has brought you this far.

You see that is the ultimate struggle man faces when it comes to our relationship with God. We do not accept that His grace truly is more than enough--and though our hearts desire to be one with God, it is our inability to accept His grace that causes us to wander. That feeling of unworthiness is what really moves us away from God. This undeserving feeling takes on many forms--pride, desire for acceptance by the world, temptation... We are constantly seeking quick fixes for the God-chasm in our lives. We don't feel worthy of His unconditional love and acceptance so we look outside of Him to find it. And when the world fails us, it only reinforces our feeling of unworthiness. It's a catch-22. The only way to break it? To accept that we are not worthy but that "He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood."

Oh Robert Robinson--I doubt when you wrote Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing you ever imagined that I would need those stalwart words today to remind me that God is enough--even when I am a pitiful chooser. (Which sort of rhymes with pitiful loser… Same, same, right?)

PS The link is to a version of the song by Mumford and Sons... Excellent version!