Choose carefully
My good friend Dan and I were having a great chat the other day--he is so profound and I always leave our conversations with much to think about. The idea of every emotion we feel being a choice came up in the course of our conversation. I have long been a firm believer that every thing we feel--from love to hate to forgiveness is a conscious choice. We choose who we fall in love with (but attraction is different--I think attraction is a reaction, not a feeling), and we choose who we allow to hurt us and how deeply we allow them to hurt us. Everything we feel is a distinct choice.
Our conversation got me to thinking about the choice we make to love and how our society has romanticized that idea to the point where we don't take credit for this amazing thing called love, and if it does go belly up, we only shift blame. I am FIRST in line to admit to that. When a relationship of mine ended (a while ago now!) I was so angry with myself that I allowed myself to fall in love with someone who was so clearly contrary to what I needed (THANK YOU Benita for being so clearheaded for me!). But I chose to ignore the glaring character flaws because I chose to believe I was lucky to have him. (Whatever.)
At one point in our conversation, Dan and I came to the conclusion that when you decide on your life partner, you are choosing to love someone for the rest of your married life together--thick or thin, sickness and health, and all that comes with it. (At one point in time, I might have said for the rest of your life, but we all know that divorce is too much a reality to say that!) You have to be careful who you choose to fall in love with-- and you have to look at who that person has the potential to be. And if you see the potential of your mate, and still choose to love him or her, then you have to be committed to that. Unfortunately, not everyone values the choice to love someone forever, and keeps that commitment.
We also talked about forgiveness. I think that forgiveness is the hardest thing to decide to do. But, in my experience, deciding to forgive is the most important thing you can do. There was a person that hurt me and my family very deeply, and for years I was bitter, angry and unforgiving. Eventually I realized that I had to choose to forgive this person--even if I didn't feel it at first. Eventually, the feeling of forgiveness came.
I say that forgiveness is the most important decision you can make because it effects every choice you make--is it a choice that I can ever forgive if I need to?